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I prefer "enthusiast"

Ned nerds are a pleasant bunch. For being "fans" (I prefer "enthusiast") of a man who will drive you to drink if you think about him too hard, they're a remarkably contented lot. Many of them have reduced T.E. related aches & pains down to "Oh man, I really wish I could make him some soup." Which is pretty impressive. But I feel as though there's something missing from the community at large: truly, unabashedly goofy nonsense. There's some, but not nearly enough. T.E. is just about as ripe for parody as he is for suffering. Just pondering the prospects delights one's soul. Ideas:

  • Ned reluctantly pets dog with single finger, gets drooled on, angsts about it in expectedly purple fashion.

  • Ned making like a true dyed-in-the-wool cyclist by going pipsqueak momma bear over his bicycle.

  • Ned refusing to return the slab. It belongs in a museum.

  • Ned straight up leading a crusade against the semicolon.

  • Ned claiming Strava KOMs eons before the conception of the internet, satellites, or Strava itself, solely through sheer will and leg power. Time stream be damned. God, I'd hate to get that email.

"Uh oh! T.E. Lawrence just stole your KOM... 107 years ago?
Better get out there and show them who’s boss!
-Your friends at Strava"
Really, the possibilities are endless. 

Flamboyant and controversial

My favorite IMDB keywords for Lawrence of Arabia:

  • dramatic irony

  • crying man

  • grape

  • suffering

  • practicing fishing

  • sand

  • falling down a sand hill

  • congratulations

Falling down a sand hill is the best one, I think. In fact, LoA appears to be the sole perpetrator of falling down a sand hill. Truly, a peerless film.

"Wooing Ned" by Ed Elcort


Watched LoA for the billionth time because I respect myself. When Tafas shared the snacks, I found myself thinking "He's well versed in that stuff, man, give him some chocolate if you really want to show him you care."

I'm gonna write a book on the proper methods of buttering up T.E. Lawrence. Gotta help meet that "100 books written about T.E. yearly" quota. The two big ones would have to be chocolate and hating on the semicolon. He'd probably be pretty psyched to get like... chain lube, too. Play your cards right and he would definitely send you weird, lengthy letters, which is, of course, the dream. God bless history's most interesting and eccentric manlet.

Anyway, I can't look at Tafas nowadays without thinking about how my comrade RJ decided Tafas was his favorite character 2 minutes before his demise when we watched the film. R.I.P. Tafas. You had an endearing giggle, your historical counterpart was a bit of a curmudgeon, you were Ned's Best Friend for a (brief) time, and you were RJ's favorite.

"...and IIIIIII-e-IIIIII-e-IIIIIII will always love yoooOOUuuu..." ~RJ

Writer's Block: Lucas for a day

If you could write the next Star Wars movie, what story would you tell? It could be anything: a sequel, prequel, or anything in-between. Describe your adventure in 300 words or less. Our favorite story will receive a Star Wars saga Blu-ray gift pack! [Contest Details]
Obi-Wan eating juicy, delectable sand worms
Obi-Wan being haunted by the ghost of Qui-Gon
Obi-Wan pacing around his hovel talking to himself
Obi-Wan attempting to fix things and failing
Obi-Wan tricking water out of lowly townies to wash his robes with
Obi-Wan throwing space darts at a photo of Jar-Jar Binks
Obi-Wan going to the local cantina to get in limb-severing brawls
Obi-Wan spying on Luke
Obi-Wan grooming his beard
Obi-Wan considering growing a new mullet
Obi-Wan regretting life


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August 2014


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